Comments on: What do you think of my story so far? http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far Just another WordPress weblog Mon, 23 Jan 2012 00:37:56 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jude http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far/comment-page-1#comment-2352 Jude Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:14:38 +0000 http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far#comment-2352 Try to use less details. We can use our imaginations a bit, you don't need to feel the need to tell us every single thing going on. For instance, 'She pushed her chocolate colored hair'- you can just say hair, no color. and 'she asked the boy who sat on the bean bag chair in front of her, with a look of disinterest painted across his face'. This sentence is unnecessary to the story. You can just say boy on the bean bag chair across her. 'She shook the shoes slightly' Instead of slightly, use a different word like violently or take the word out altogether. 'Ryan Alennia (the boy on the bean bag chair),' Take out the text in quotes. We know who Ryan is because you already introduced him. Watch your sentences because you have some run-ons. Try to use less details. We can use our imaginations a bit, you don’t need to feel the need to tell us every single thing going on. For instance, ‘She pushed her chocolate colored hair’- you can just say hair, no color. and ‘she asked the boy who sat on the bean bag chair in front of her, with a look of disinterest painted across his face’. This sentence is unnecessary to the story. You can just say boy on the bean bag chair across her.
‘She shook the shoes slightly’ Instead of slightly, use a different word like violently or take the word out altogether.
‘Ryan Alennia (the boy on the bean bag chair),’ Take out the text in quotes. We know who Ryan is because you already introduced him.
Watch your sentences because you have some run-ons.

]]> By: LukeTrocity http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far/comment-page-1#comment-2353 LukeTrocity Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:14:38 +0000 http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far#comment-2353 This sounds like a great romance type book, but what would be the main plot, like would Ryan do something that made Laurel like him or hate him? This sounds like a great romance type book, but what would be the main plot, like would Ryan do something that made Laurel like him or hate him?

]]> By: Layah http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far/comment-page-1#comment-2354 Layah Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:14:38 +0000 http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far#comment-2354 it sounds pretty good so far, but all that really matters is where you are going to go with the story. it sounds pretty good so far, but all that really matters is where you are going to go with the story.

]]> By: twilight http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far/comment-page-1#comment-2355 twilight Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:14:38 +0000 http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far#comment-2355 I like it! but..... you gotta put conflict, something that makes the reader not get bored and keeps them wondering! I like it! but….. you gotta put conflict, something that makes the reader not get bored and keeps them wondering!

]]> By: John T http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far/comment-page-1#comment-2356 John T Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:14:38 +0000 http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far#comment-2356 Very childish. You need to mature, then try writing again. Good luck, at least you are trying, but don't use the word "Douche bag" Very childish. You need to mature, then try writing again. Good luck, at least you are trying, but don’t use the word "Douche bag"

]]> By: Jinx http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far/comment-page-1#comment-2357 Jinx Tue, 09 Feb 2010 08:14:38 +0000 http://www.wetokolehawaii.com/what-do-you-think-of-my-story-so-far#comment-2357 you shoul describe ryan a Little more so far i know ryan is a safe driver (which is not relevant). same with laurel, all i know is she likes fashion, is not a fresh men and has chocolate coloured hair. you should also hint out who's the main character...write how the main character feels and think. describe the setting....all i know is that there in a room with a bean bag...where are they. but i love the plot... sign up in storywrite.com to copywrite it and learn how to improve your writing skills, also read other peoples story, they might inspire you.... you shoul describe ryan a Little more so far i know ryan is a safe driver (which is not relevant). same with laurel, all i know is she likes fashion, is not a fresh men and has chocolate coloured hair.

you should also hint out who’s the main character…write how the main character feels and think.

describe the setting….all i know is that there in a room with a bean bag…where are they.

but i love the plot… sign up in

storywrite.com

to copywrite it and learn how to improve your writing skills, also read other peoples story, they might inspire you….

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