What do to about 19 yr old daughter and car?
My 19 yr old daughter has just lost another job and I am at my wits end.
She was in rehab at the age of 17, had a baby at 18 (baby stays with father most of the time because he does not & will not work) and moved home with us (mom & pop) at 19 in January 08. When we found out she was pregnant we bought her a nice car (02 Toyota camry) because we didn’t want our grandchild riding in something that was not dependable. Since January she has worked at 3 jobs and just recently got on with JCPenney (new store they are opening). Back in May she took a rode trip to see her best friend (her dad & I tried to talk her out of it.) leaving late at night and it was about a 200 mile drive. She wrecked the car. Fortunately she ws covered under our insurance. We paid the deductible, had the car repaired.
On the way to work at JCPenney last week the car breaks down. I paid to have the car towed to a service center and then to the Toyota Dealership. Needed about 00 of repair work. I didn’t want her to loose her job and even though I work I offered to take off to transport her back & forth to work (this is not a problem with the people I work with, they have been great to me).
I should point out that even though she is living with us there are times that she does not come home at all and we do not hear from her for days at a time. We would have a blowout about this behavior ,things would be good for a while then she would start again.
She worked this past Sunday did not come home, called me Monday morning to check her Schedule to see what time she needed to go to work. She was off but needed to work Tuesday @ 8am, and Wednesday @ 8am, off on Thursday. I did not hear from or see her until Wed. Wanting some money she had asked me to hold on to for her. I asked her why she wasn’t at work, she told me she didn’t have to be there until 12noon. ( Well I didn’t think that was unusal because I had worked in retail before and my schedule would change.) The dealership called, her car was ready, her dad and I went down and picked it up. She has ragged the car out. Stains all over seats and floor mats. Radio yanked out of it. Took it home and put it in the barn. I didn’t see her until Thursday Afternoon. Didn’t tell her the car was there. This morning she told me how much she hated living there,… that I was bringing her down. Later she called me at work and asked me when her car was supposed to be ready. I tell her if she is honest with me I will be honest with her. Did she still have a job? No. Did she work Tuesday or Wednesday? No Why not? Don’t know.
So then I tell her that her car is in the barn but she can not have it back until she gets another job. The person that she has been hanging out with can cart her around until she finds another job. She started cussing me and I just hung up the phone and now am rejecting her calls.
Am I wrong? Should I give her the car and tell her just to get her stuff and leave? Help!!!!
I appreciate everyone’s input. My grandson lives with his father most of the time and is in no danger. My daughter was in rehab for drug abuse. I love her very much and when her car broke down she called me crying asking me what she was going to do. I felt sorry for her and helped her because I didn’t want her to loose her job. This could have been a great opportunity for her. She is such a personable young woman. Great sense of humor. All thru her school career, her teachers would tell me what a delight she was and how much they enjoyed teaching her. EVERYBODY LIKES HER.
Maybe I should just let her have the car and tell her to leave. I have no idea where she would go and I know that I would worry about her.
When she was 13 she wanted to be treated like she was 19 , now
She is 19 and acts like a child.
6 Responses
cousin on the wa
12 Feb 2010
*26w6d* *#3* *It
12 Feb 2010
I’d 100% cut her off. No don’t give her the car, she’s likely on drugs from her behavior. At least if she wants a fix she can’t just jump in a car and possibly kill someone on the way to pick it up!
If she wants to live like trash, then I’d treat her like trash. If she continues then take custody of the kids, or call children services. Sorry, but your daughter sounds to be a waste of oxygen.
Kashi
12 Feb 2010
What was she in rehab for? Don’t answer- I’m just thinking out loud. This sounds a little bit like addict behavior to me. She probably needs more help than you can give her. I would let her stay and have the car if she goes to counseling/therapy and gets a job. Who has custody of the baby? Is the child safe with the father? Some states do have grandparent rights, so you may be able to get visits with the baby even if she ends up being furious with you and doesn’t speak to you. Lots of young adults need help when their car breaks down or an unexpected expense comes up. But, you are taking care of the physical act of going to get it repaired, etc. She isn’t having to do anything to keep the privelage. Since she is 19 now, I would say she has to take care of things herself. If she needs help, she can ask you but then it is up to you to decide. You should not be offering before she even asks. She’s not thinking for herself in the adult areas of her life. If she does stay, set ground rules that you and your husband agree on and then lay them out to her. If she doesn’t like them, then she can leave. If she wants to stay, she has to go by them.
♥ Princess ♥
12 Feb 2010
She is old enuff to take care of her own responsibility, stop spoiling her that she would learn and even if you try to teach her she wouldnt listen..Just keep on ignoring her eventually she have nothing else and will listen.
Titania R
12 Feb 2010
If there is a way to get your daughter to leave your home without putting your grandchild in danger, perhaps it is time for you to let her sink or swim on her own.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you good luck!
Kelsey
12 Feb 2010
The first thing you need to do is try and get custody of that baby. Living with a father or mother who does not work is not in the baby’s best intrest. You seem to be in way over your head… Do not give the car back until she has a steady job and can start paying for it and keeping it clean. It’s legally your car, and you pay for it. Then set house rules, (must come home every night at a reasonable time, must not miss work, must keep the car in good shape, must attend counciling or rehab) If she cannot abide by the rules then she’s out of the house. No question. She is an adult and it’s time to start acting like one.
Hi!
She is being totally disrespectful about this! and you are handling it the wrong way! You should give her the car back and tell her to leave and you won’t help until she is responsible enough and to scare her tell her that when the baby is born you are going to try and adopt it or try and get it until she is responsible,has a place,a job,and is okay!