Help with my poem!!!!!!!!! please!?
I am really stuck and need some help! I really need some ideas on how to make this better. I would love to know where you get lost or thing that can be improved upon. I would love recommendations for word choice, showing better, Punctuation! (Please) and places that just need to be better! please DON’T hold back!
I am like a dog
plopped down on a dog bed
after a long dar of chasing squirrels.
I am sitting,
more like lounging
in a black leather seat pushed all the way back.
Our black Ford truck’s light expand out
into the dark night.
Ahead the road
twist like a roller coaster.
As we flyby,
streets, empty and abandoned,
houses, eagerly watching,
the truck accelerates
faster than the speed signs
recommend.
A straight section,
feel the engine rumble, as
my foot pushes,
like a doctor keeping pressure on the wound,
harder and harder on the accelerator.
A light appears,
far off, beyond the reach of the truck’s light.
A car, carrying two, passes us.
We accelerate,
approach another oncoming car,
which skids across the dark pavement,
like on a sheet of ice,
a few yards away.
Lights, span out covering the dark ground
with a sheet of yellow.
Flickering lights dangle out over
the deserted road.
As if about to fall.
A third car approaches, a silver Range Rover,
but it is not as fortunate.
Bright white headlights
penetrate my window and flood
the black interior of the truck,
blinding me.
There was
no horn, only
squealing brakes and
crunching metal.
My eyes shut tight,
the rope burns,
slicing my neck.
The seat belts
against my stomach,
like a corset continuously clenching.
White opaque smoke,
explodes like a bag of flour.
Stagger, gasp, search for
breathable air.
Opening my eyes,
I see.
The deflated white sack that saved my life
swings side to side against the dashboard,
like a metronome keeping a steady beat.
To my right
I see.
My door compressed
like like an indented ping-pong ball.
A tap, tap, tap
on the still intact window
made me jump.
By : me
