Comments on: Please tell me what you think!!?

By: trix

trix — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:13:50 +0000

It’s interesting, I’d like to read the rest of it.

By: Rob

Rob — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:13:50 +0000

Your chapter’s freakishly short. Why do the entries not start at the beginning?

By: mike g

mike g — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:13:50 +0000

Description of stars as marbles is cliche, but why do they have to be a giant’s marbles? And the night sky as a huge black blanket is almost humorous. Work on that description.
You’re always standing beneath the cosmos.
Machines don’t eat. That’s a poor metaphor.
Why is the voice that tells him "now" the second voice in his head?
Journal is a good way to review, but saying he’s reminding himself is awkward. He knows what his life is like; he didn’t forget. Maybe a different word?
This is all picky stuff, don’t feel bad about criticism.

By: yah-dee yah-dee yah

yah-dee yah-dee yah — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:13:50 +0000

I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!