How do I address my roomate about her boyfriend?
A little background- my roomate and I have been best friends for years. We recently moved in together and she has a boyfriend. Before moving in we agreed that one night a week and one night on the weekends would be sufficent for him to sleep over. However, she breaks that rule weekly even though I have already addressed it. On top of that she’s taking bits and pieces of my food and soda like I won’t notice. Her boyfriend is always over and they usually control the main living area so I get stuck in my room watching TV since they take over our flat screen in the living room. He’s also constnatly leaving the toilet seat up. On top of all this, she’s a little poor and doesn’t want to have the heat on. She has a space heater for her room but turns the central heat off when I turn it on. I’m pretty sure space heaters use more energy than central heat would. She also doesn’t lock the door when she leaves if I’m still there and sometimes the door doesn’t shut and one time my cat got out. We disucssed after this, her locking the door so that we would never have that problem again but she’s still not doing it….any suggestions? I’ve already addressed all of these issues with her at least once, the toilet thing has been done twice….
3 Responses
Ms.Shann
28 Feb 2010
Ms Merlin
28 Feb 2010
oh, this is very very akward!
i don’t envy you.
find somewhere else to live i would say.
they are using you (and your half of the rent) to basically live together.
it is difficult but there you go.
sometimes ‘love’ seems blind to long ‘best friendships’ and best friends get hurt b/c all the attention and the favours go to the bf.
sit her down, tell her exactly what you just wrote above and tell her you want the original ‘one week day and one weekend day’ happening otherwise you are out.
start looking for a place to live NOW as this is seriously affecting your piece of mind and you should feel at home in your own home!
Chick1010
28 Feb 2010
I honestly think that you should just start looking for a cheap apartment and move out until you get settled and if she asks why your leaving then just tell her why.
Sweetie, it is obvious that your room mate nor her boyfriend respects you, which is why they continue to do things that they know bother you. FIRST off the door is being left OPEN so that the boyfriend can come and go as he please…. Think about it, he has NO key if I am correct right? So how else can he get in and out if the door is LOCKED? So they came up with the genius idea of leaving the door UNLOCKED…. But GOD forbid someone walk in while he is OUT and ROB you blind… Nobody will be watching the FLAT SCREEN because soon enough it will be GONE….
Next problem the staying overnight issue, you already spoke to her about it and NOTHING has changed, she is DISRESPECTING you and your wishes…. I would sit BOTH of them down and talk to them AGAIN let her know HOW you feel you don’t LIKE what she and him is doing and IF it DON’T change then you will be MOVING out and then they can PAY ALL THE RENT and BILLS since they want to act like and TREAT YOU like YOU are a VISITOR in YOUR OWN HOUSE….. They are being bogus and very disrespectful towards YOU and YOU are paying to LIVE there. Sweetie if YOU don’t stand up for YOURSELF then WHO will. Let them know how you feel and what is going to happen if it continue..
She is also being BOGUS about he heat issue. IF YOU are paying bills then you SHOULD have the right to run the darn heat… Let her know when YOU turn it on DON’T touch it…. So what if she is POOR then she should have thought about that when she wanted to move into her OWN place… If she cant afford it then she needs a SECOND JOB>but WHY should YOU freeze because she is trying to be CHEAP…. SHE IS BEING REAL FOUL towards you… And another POINT that you should bring up is the FACT that IF HE IS OVER THERE DAILY then HE SHOULD be PAYING BILLS too. PERIOD… And IF he CANT or WONT then he DON’T need to be over at YOUR house like HE LIVES there OK…. Talk to her LAY down the RULES and lay down the repercussions if they DON’T STOP or CHANGE what they are currently doing…. Sweetie for EVERY ACTION there IS A REACTION and let them know for there ACTIONS there WILL BE a REACTION that they may very well NOT like….. But as a PAYING TENANT you HAVE to STAND YOUR GROUND…. Your friend is bogus and so is the boyfriend but they are ONLY doing what YOU LET THEM DO…. You DONT LIKE IT then STOP IT….
Good Luck and Happy Holidays.