Do you think a person can overcome depression on their own or do you think they need professional help?
I grew up in an odd way. My dad was an alcoholic and drug addict. My mom was as well, but not nearly as bad as my dad. Whenever my dad smoked marijuana, life was great. However, he never just smoked marijuana…he got drunk most nights and he was a very violent drunk. When he mixed his alcohol with pills, he was dangerous. When I was little, my stomach hurt me all the time because it was always in knots from stress.
My dad was a good man…he was just messed up. He played guitar, sang, painted, wrote poetry and so forth. He lived a rock star life in a small town. When I was 11, my mom divorced my dad and ran off with a man worse than my dad (my dad had been in jail countless times, but they were all misdemeanors…this man had been in jail for shit like rape). I stayed with my mom for a while, but when her boyfriend hit me I left. I lived with my dad in a 1 room trailer that had no water, electricity, heat or anything. We had 1 piece of furniture…a love seat in which most nights my dad was passed out on, so I slept on the floor. We had a kerosine heater that cooked our food and kept us warm. We had cement blocks stacked up out back that we could do our “business” on. Despite everything that was bad, I was happy. Sure, my dad put me through hell…but, he was my dad and I loved him.
When I was 13 my dad left me. I moved in with my mamaw. My dad had moved about an hour and a half away…we know because the hospital in his new town had to call us several times because he was a regular patient (he got the crap beat out of him a lot apparently..but he didn’t feel or remember anything because he would be drunk). That’s all I’m going to say about that time in his life, because I can’t stand to think about it.
When I was 14, my dad died of a drug overdose. My heart became broken beyond repair it seems. For a year after he died, I didn’t leave my room except to go to school…and I’m not exaggerating. I didn’t leave the house for anything…well, around Christmas time I did go to the store to buy my grandparents presents. But that was it.
I wanted to die. I contemplated suicide every day…I even had a suicide not. However, I never acted…I was too afraid of what would happen afterward. I was like that for 3 years. In the past year, I’ve improved some. I’m still not happy, but I don’t hide in my room anymore. Sure, every other day I want to tell the world to f*ck off and go listen to Pink Floyd…but I don’t. Will I get better? Or am I forever screwed up?
I can’t afford to see a psychiatrist so I’m hoping some of you can give me some kind words. Thanks!
Sorry, I meant to tell you my age. I’m 18.
11 Responses
Beez
26 Feb 2010
dragonfly_3
26 Feb 2010
I think a lot of depressed people don’t realize they are depressed.
There is life after growing up in a dsyfunctional family. Look at it as you can reinvent yourself when you are out on your own, you can be whoever you want to be, make your own choices. Your background does not have to shape your future. Find your dream and hang on to it and make it happen for yourself. You can do it. You are not your past.
Sarah N
26 Feb 2010
Oh my gosh… that’s terrible. You may have led a bad life so far, but there’s still time to turn it around.
Let’s see here…
First of all, have a number at your side at all times that you can call if you ever feel out of it or like you’re going to commit suicide again. It could be your best friend, your mamaw, etc. Also keep the National Suicide Hotline at your side (1-800-SUICIDE).
Next, join a religion of some sort. Buddhism, Christianity, or whatever, any religion will have you meeting people and developing a bond. Believing in something is better than believing in nothing. Also, a religious leader is often a wonderful counselor and will be willing to spend quite long times with you for free talking about problems and solutions.
Try not to close yourself off to the rest of the world. I know it probably sounds stupid, but closing up is the worst possible thing that you could do. Keep yourself open to each and every person that is in your life, whether it’s a stranger you bump in the street or someone you’ve known your whole life.
Find an interest of some sort. Vow to research something. Build model airplanes. Design websites. A hobby can take hours away, and you’ll be having fun while doing it (and possibly even earn some money!)
I hope that you can pull yourself out of this rut. I’ll pray for you.
djdundalk
26 Feb 2010
You can overcome anything if you put your mind to it. What you have to realise is that your parents were living the life that they wanted to and you have to start doing the same for yourself. Whatever they did, or didn’t do is over and will not be repeated again, so you have nothing to fear. the past is in the past and there is nothing you can do to reverse it, what you can do is learn not to repeat those same patterns and start living. You had no control over what happened and you are not to blame.
fuzzykitty
26 Feb 2010
Don’t know how old you are , but I suspect your getting close to an age that you can be on your own. Yes, you can get better, you can learn from those that gave birth to you, Learn that , that is not the kind of life you want to pursue, that you are responsible for what you become , and if you want to bad enough you can beat the depression. The first step is to not dwell on what you can’t change. It’s over . let it go.. You need to reflect on any good thing in your life , positive and up building. Write them down, Keep a journal. Take responsibly for yourself and don’t let the past suck you in.
crazy2alabama
26 Feb 2010
man this is a hard one..I thought I had a hard time coming up but you had it worse. I fight depression every minute of every day..I fight the suicide urge every day also.And what I have developed over the years is a really strong mind.Why every other day just tell the world to fuck off and go listen to Pink Floyd. Who would it hurt? Music has always been a uplift for me when I want to feel better I put on some music. I also read a lot.But music helps a lot. It will get better…the pain will fade after a while and it won’t hurt QUITE so much. It will always hurt a little bit..But try and remember the good times and how much you loved your dad cause as long as you remember him he is still alive. ( I am crying right now..i was close to my grandparents)And remember also..make him proud of you.Do good in school because you know he doesn’t want you to turn out like he did..you have to do better.Make a nice family love the kids you will have and give them a better life than you had..make that your goal. Feel free to e-mail me whenever you need to talk. Because even though I am a lot older than you..I know how you feel. Good luck chick
inkster7
26 Feb 2010
You are an incredible person for two reasons I see right off the bat. You’ve lived through some hard times and survived. secondly you are reaching out for help. find a good support group where you can relearn what a family of origin should be. If you have a local church get involved with that and you’ll meet some really healthy people. I did that when my life was spiraling out of control and it really helped. at my church we have a support group called "arise". Not sure if it is national or not. the guy who runs it was abandonded by his biological mom and he was in the hospital until somene adopted him. He is a great Christian and down to earth guy. go to this web page http://www.newlife.com. they have lots of resources God bless and I’ll pray for you. You are way too valuable to so many people and no you won’t be screwed up forever.
Doug Pluto
26 Feb 2010
Thanks for being so honest and open… My childhood was
a bit like yours and when someone recently told me,
"Hey, you need to go get help…" I decided to go talk to a
local Pastor. He is showing me that he cares and that God
cares. No, I do not expect to ever be as "normal" as a guy
who had "normal" parents; but that’s OK, and you are going
to be OK too. Please hang in there with us !
candlemia
26 Feb 2010
I have alot of respect for you, in the idea that you have reached out to the world, you have dumped your guts to people you don’t even know. This is your first step to your very needed conquest of wellness. Your co-dependencies.
have encouraged your feelings of depression. After being in such a dysfunctional relationship with your father, your automatic conditioned behavior is to do the best you can not to deal with it. You have been through alot of unfortunate circumstances. You can deal with your depression on your own, my suggestion is that you seek professional help. I feel that you need that third party comfort. You may what to contact your local department of human services. any community services. or even a woman’s advocate service. I wish you the best.
tiggerlilly83
26 Feb 2010
people who have depression dont really understand what there going through. Yea your sad about your circumstance but what about your future? didnt you learn what not to do with your parents? and because of them arent you greatful you know you wont have to do that? in a way they made it easier for you to know you dont have to make life that hard on yourself. you need to change the way you think instead of negative phrases you really need positive phrases. and its not just important for you to do this its also helping the people around you who are closely involved with you. I believe even though you feel you have very little you have enough to have people say there for you and that makes a difference. so kick your butt get out of it and do some good.
tigertigertiger
26 Feb 2010
Firstly, good for you for actually asking for help. Some people don’t ask for help and because of it they only get worse.
The truth is I’ve known some people that have had very stable, happy lives and they suffer from depression, and people that have been to hell and back but somehow remain positive and buoyant.
Ultimately half the time, the difference between depressed and non-depressed people is the way they see things. Happy people try and turn the most cruel situations into positive thoughts and things, depressed people frequently focus in on everything that is bad about themselves and the world meaning some people can live in a mansion with the perfect boyfriend and still have something to fret over. Its not saying that some people don’t have a really good reason to feel blue, but frequently the happiest people are those with a "glass is half full" attitude.
If you went to a psychiatrist the chances are they would make you do C.B.T. Check out the link below for self-help books on this. In a nutshell, its helping people change negative thoughts and actions into positive ones.
If you can’t afford a therapist to get things off your chest, is there any trustworthy friend you can talk to about things?
If you can’t afford antidepressants, there is a natural antidepressant called St Johns Wort you can get from health stores – but be warned that this interferes with birth control. Also, high doses of omega 3 from the healthfood store have been proven to help with certain depressions, as does exercise.
What has always helped me is developing my spiritual side; I’m not a Christian etc, but sometimes I pray to God and it helps. Even if you don’t believe in God there is still things like meditation, Buddism or even just looking a beautiful sunset that can help sort things out a bit.
Anyway, if you need someone to chat to etc then feel free to email me.
And remember how strong you must be to survive all of this, your not screwed!
We are not always dealt fair hands in life, but this doesn’t mean you are messed up forever. You don’t say how old you are, but you’ve come this far, so you’re a champ. You know what drugs and alcohol will do to a person. Check around for a mental health clinic that charges a sliding scale and go talk to a therapist. The main thing is to realize this was all in the past. You must live for today. Some of the world’s greatest leaders had really crummy beginnings.